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March 29, 2007

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Little-known medical rule: the maximum duration of a man's erection drops by one minute for each stuffed animal his wife or girlfriend has in the bedroom.

Older women get pickier. These guys would probably have an easier time impressing younger dates. I have all IKEA furniture, and although I feel cheap for it, my female friends of the barely out-of-college variety love it.

So the guy is a bit of a slob who hasn't redecorated in a few years. This women is ridiculous (her place is a neat as a pin, every single room, all the time, I guess. Either that or nobody who she dates can ever come by).
And the NY Times is even worse. The fact that he doesn't have the latest shit from the Pottery Barn or West Elm shows he has an "unenterprising personality!" But this is someone who owns his own business, right? Could it be he has other priorities, like running his business or maybe something else instead of picking out color swatches? I hope this unnamed man knows how lucky he is to have "the deal broken."

There are about ten examples in the article of people who've been on either end of rejections due to questionable decoration, and two, possibly three* of them are gay men. Coincidence?

* = it's not clear about the man with the stuffed baby seal.

[Among the many knick-knacks in our house are a freeze-dried mouse, a rattlesnake head in a glass dome, a beaver's skull, and a stuffed gold fish. I used to have a human rib but lost it.]

My contention is the New York Times sucks.

But people are going to have to help me here, is this story all a big joke or something??? Is this thing laden with snark and slipped past some editor in India?

Look at Bob Strauss' picture a the start of the article- 57 yo, yellow teeth, rumpled shirt, collar going two different ways, giant eyebrows, cinched in belt- is the stuff seal really the reason he cant get a date? And the other example is a 70 year old lawyer wearing sandals? These people are ugly- that is the problem.

Assuming these guys were dateable, which they clearly are not, wouldn't a women prefer a man who has a good apartment but no taste? Then she can redecorate and he wont object. But if he is into decorating, and happens to like a leathery gentleman's club, then she is not going t be allowed to do much with the place.


And look at the quotes, there has got to be snark buried in here:


"“I can’t sit in a room with overhead lighting,” says Michele Slung

Ms. Slung insists on pink light bulbs, her preferred shade being Dawn Pink. She also uses amber lampshades.

“I don’t think I could ever like somebody who got their lighting wrong,” she says.


"Adam Handler,... a nascent relationship was destroyed when a woman he’d been dating invited him back to her apartment.

“On her walls she had my two most despised pieces of art,” Mr. Handler says.

The romance, while it did not end that evening, ended soon after.


The Klimt was just beyond the pale, but I mean he had already been invited up, it would have been rude not to put his penis in her at that point.

Apparently the New York Times has run out of news that's fit to print and is now publishing news that is neither worth printing or even really news. Why is it surprising (or interesting) that people evaluate and sometimes exclude romantic prospects based on their apartments? They also evaluate them based on looks, conversation style, humor, wealth, and pretty much everything else. In a lot of ways, apartments are more lenient form of evaluation since it's something you consciously choose as an adult, not something you're born with (like looks) or developed unconsciously during your adolescence (like social skills). A date's home can tell you a lot about what he's like, and it can tell you a lot about what being with him would be like. Notice, too, that most of the dealbreaker apartments don't suffer predominantly from low budgets or indifferent taste - we aren't talking about the guy who buys his furniture at Ikea and has nothing on his walls but his flatscreen - that could be rectified with more money or a little input from the partner. These are people with definite tastes - in art, or stuffed seals, or shrines to other women - that their dates find offensive. These are aspects of themselves they are conscious and even proud of, and if a prospective partner finds them offputting it's a good indication there's not much relationship potential.

Why people stay single so long

Birth control and the destigmatization of premarital sex (and, to a lesser extent, having kids out of wedlock.)

Note to self: Ikea furniture impresses college-aged females. Do you think that I could get them to come back to my apartment if I told them I have it or do they have to come up first and see that I shop there. I have something called a Mugli table and a few Svenska chairs, no Klimt thought (Thank God!). However, I do have a tripod that is quite handy handy to display a double-sided Klee.
Turambar, maybe this article is a joke or gag like something from the Onion or National Lampoons. Then again, maybe the people the NY Times interviewed were yanking the chains of the reporter and just saying far out stuff so that when the piece ran, they could have a laugh over it (Hey, Ted, check this out, they actually printed it!) I certainly would do so.
Does anybody really get uptight about some woman having particluar art like Mr. Handler does? When I am lucky enough to get up into some female's place after a date, I am not concerned with the art on the godamn walls. Maybe he is gay. If not, he has his priorities so totally fucked up as to probably be beyond help.

I can understand things like this.

I dated a very attractive women I met online (match.com) for a couple months. We had a great time together. Conversation was easy and natural, and we seemed to have a lot in common. She even told me I was "really cute."

However, there were a few comments she made that should been red-flag issues for me, but because she was so pretty, I didn't worry about them too much, initially.

The first thing she said was that she:

"..couldn't date anyone who made under $50,000 a year." (I live in St. Louis, Mo so anything over 50K is a decent income).

Phew, ok I make over 70K so I'm good there I thought.

Another statement: "...I'm not going to be with anyone over the age of 35 who hasn't been married yet because that means he's too picky."

Huh?? Uh, ok I thought, I've never been married but I'm 29. So...yeah.

Then she said this while talking about a man she dated for awhile but for whom she didn't have feelings for: "Yeah, I loved going over to his house! It was so wonderfully decorated. It was so nice and really big!"

Dang...I rent a loft, we'll see how this goes.

Finally after a few weeks of dating she ended up at my place. We watched a couple movies and she left.

I called her the next day, but she didn't answer. Then I get home from work the following day and check my email. There was a message from her telling me that we were in "two different places" and that it wasn't going to work out, but good luck.

Hmmm. So we were having a great time, she liked me (or so she said), I liked her but after she saw my loft, that was it!

My place was very clean---spotless, I had a couple pictures up. Decent furniture, nice sound system, nothing out of style.

I think the issue was that I rented. She drove an expensive car with a navigation system and owned a 1500 sq ft. condo. I rented and drove a 4 cylinder Frontier.

Oh well.

Online dating is probably one of the most frustrating endevors one can get into.

You start out eager and idealistic, but then after a few bad dates you start to get jaded.

I went out with 40 or so women in a year and a half, but I only liked 3 of them. And out of those 3 none "liked me back."

I strongly believe at least two of those three I liked (including the above example) had issues with my living situation.

But, they could have that attitude because they were all very attractive. Why not get best guy then can? Wealthy AND good attractive? The average looking women or merely "kind of pretty" women didn't care---and why would they? They don't have stellar looks so they can't be fastidious.

What I learned from online dating is:

1. Attractive women are extremely hard to get.

2. Attractive women are very picky because the can be.

3. I need to buy a nice condo/loft and vehicle inorder to have a chance with an attractive woman.

4. I simply cannot lower my standards because I can't help who I like, I have no control over it.

5. I can't get attractive women, but I can have sex with decent looking or just plain ugly women.

Match.com started out as a way for me to find a relationship. But it ended up as a way to meet average looking women to have sex with---which actually isn't so bad of a deal.



Amen Brother Joe-No,
Never, ever let females back to your place. Always go their their homes. My apartment is like my Fortress of Solitude. Up is 3A, I can meditate, think, brood and leave the beer bottles on the coffee table and the bourbon on the counter. I don't want anyone knowing where to look for me either. It sounds like you have a good thing going with this on-line dating thing as well. So if you make at least $50,000 a year in St. Louis, that makes you a more desirable commodity? I make over $50,000 but live up in northern NJ by NYC, so I am considered something of a pauper if not a downright homeless bum who wouldn't even get spit on. However, since I live in an undesirbale area and am cheap, I am able to afford a nice German car which has certainly been to my benefit. Thank God so many women are so shallow. It makes getting laid easy. Good work in St. Louis!

Well, here is my input.
The guys which were shown were all, to be rather blund, pretty unattractive (physically speaking, so the bedroom was just a pretext. If they were hot the women wouldn't have cared how their room looked like. However, maturity level between men and women do vary tremendously. Most men never grow up, and retain their youthful (or childish, if you prefer) spirit. Modern, feminist society expects men to marry women their own age or three years younger, while the historical ideal has been five to twelve years younger.
A man in his late twenties should be looking for a girl of around 20, who still likes to party around and have fun. Women are looking for young men with the maturity level of a somewhat older man, that simply usually doesn't happen.

Well, here is my input.
The guys which were shown were all, to be rather blund, pretty unattractive (physically speaking, so the bedroom was just a pretext. If they were hot the women wouldn't have cared how their room looked like.

Only four men were pictured. One of them had rejected a woman because of her pet rabbit, but he changed his mind and married her (though I wouldn't blame him if he hadn't - that rabbit is a scary looking beast). Another one's gay, and AIUI the gay community has its own standards of physical attractiveness. Another one's 70 and looks quite young for his age. That only leaves one man who's sort of weird-looking, Mr. Stuffed Baby Seal, and as I mentioned earlier it's not clear from the article whether he's gay or straight.


You had something she wanted- your approval.

You should have withheld it more and made her come after you to earn it. These attractive women are easily manipulated because they usually have been falling all over them. When they cant get something it makes them want it more.

This assume that you want to date these shallow types and stay single.

PJ O'Rourke advised that you should clean your apartment once every girlfriend. After that, she can get to know the real you.

"“We walked up three flights of stars to the attic,” she says. “It looked like a teenager’s room. The computer was up there and the twin bed, his clothes were all over the floor."

So I take it a twin bed is a no-no?

Was this article published in the hard copy of the NYT today? Maybe it's online now but will appear in print this Sunday -- April Fool's Day.

The guy with the stuffed baby seal appears himself, under closer inspection, to have been eviscerated, stuffed, and heavily shellacked. Take a look at those massive, pearly white choppers. Can they be real?

Why do people stay single so long?

Because there are fewer and fewer reasons to get married.

You don't have to get married to enter into a "relationship," and when you want to exit the "relationship" it's a lot easier if you were never married to begin with.

Unlike a century ago, you don't need a helpmate to plow the back 40 or milk the the heifers. Most of us don't even know what such work would entail (for example, I had to look up the spelling of "heifer," and I don't know if they're the only kind of cows you milk). Even if you're a farmer, machines do all this stuff now anyway.

If you're a woman, you don't have to get married to be "taken care of." As a matter of fact, you will be encouraged from infancy to learn to take care of yourself, and depending on a man to take care of you is probably a lousy strategy anyway.

If you're a man, you don't have to get married to gain a "homemaker." You're much better off just hiring a maid and eating all your meals out, like the millionaire lawyer in the article.

You don't have to get married to have sex, obviously. And increasingly, you don't have to marry to have kids, should you want them, which lots of people don't.

If you're gay, like some of the people in the article, I have absolutely no idea why you'd want to enter into a marital or quasi-marital relationship, but evidently some do (for a while).

So, why do people get married? . . . .

That's why people stay single so long.

Joe-No,

You're exactly right. Unless you're the guy with the house "wonderfully decorated. It was so nice and really big", under no circumstances should a guy bring a girl home until after he's slept with her.

That's when the power shifts in the relationship. Before then, a girl is looking for any clue that you're Mr. Wrong. Where you live, how you dress, the jokes you tell, where you went to school, etc.

After that point, a girl is looking for any clue that you're Mr. Right and she's in a mental state where she screens out the stuff that would annoy her and focuses on your positive qualities, so she can justify to herself (or her friends) why she's sleeping with you.

I've found a lot of attractive women are on dating services because they want a relationship and just aren't available for one (literally available, not in the emotional sense). So many young women (men too, just not fishing in that pond) are spending their 20's and early 30's traveling for work. That's fine when she's a flight attendant, she has lots of days off and you can fly for free to spend the night at her hotel if she has a layover in a cool city.

But the norm is the "consultant" or "auditor" who are only in home 1 or 2 days a week, and spend the rest of their time in client offices all over the freakin' continent. That's great if you just want a friend with benefits, but its damn hard to have a steady relationship if you only see someone once a week (even assuming she's not seeing guys during her trips, its hard for a single guy to stay home 6 nights a week instead of dating other women).

From my own experience traveling for work, small town girls really are where its at. If I had to pick one city in America where you can meet a hot girl without the career demands and/or attitude of city girls of comparable attractiveness--- Charleston, West Virginia.

I was there for months on a work project, so many cute, sweet coal miner's daughters! From there, my employer relocated me (and gave me a big raise to boot) to a big city. My dating success dropped dramatically. What can I compare it to? Its like in Vanilla Sky, where Tom Cruise goes from looking like, well, Tom Cruise to after the accident where he has to wear the mask not to frighten people.

its hard for a single guy to stay home 6 nights a week instead of dating other women

Sad to say that I didn't find that to be difficult at all during my single days.

Never get emotionally attached to a girl who went to college. Most college girls have sex with an unbelievable number of guys while away from home in college. I think that hardens them. And I don't want herpes or clamidia.

Never get emotionally attached to a girl who went to college. Most college girls have sex with an unbelievable number of guys while away from home in college. I think that hardens them.

Do the Seven Sisters colleges still provide a wholesome learning environment?

"Never get emotionally attached to a girl who went to college. Most college girls have sex with an unbelievable number of guys while away from home in college"

This is the best reason I have ever heard for going to college anytime, anywhere, ever. And I'm not kidding either. To hell with learning, studying, and all that other bullshit (like I cared about conuugating italian verbs when I was sitting next to some fine young junior). If you are reading this website and following this comment thread and are not sure about going on to higher education, this ought to help you make up your mind.

If you are reading this website and following this comment thread and are not sure about going on to higher education, this ought to help you make up your mind.

I don't think anyone in high school ever reads this blog.

I don't think anyone in high school ever reads this blog.

Maybe not, but it never hurts to get the word out.

And didn't that David Alexander guy drop out of school? If that guy Mark's post doesn't get him to reapply, nothing will.

Come on now, they could have found some half way decent looking men for this article.

Their pictures alone almost kept me from reading the article, they are lucky to have even been invited to see the woman's place.

Yikes!

Most college girls have sex with an unbelievable number of guys while away from home in college. I think that hardens them.

Do the Seven Sisters colleges still provide a wholesome learning environment?

If the rumors I often heard about one of the Seven Sisters colleges were true, there was a whole heap o' lovin' going on. It's just that the loving tended to be of the Sapphic variation.
I of course am too polite to name the specific Sister. Also note that these rumors were rampant back when I was in college, over (gulp!) 25 years ago.

And didn't that David Alexander guy drop out of school? If that guy Mark's post doesn't get him to reapply, nothing will.

David is currently attending the supposedly best community college in the country. David sees lots of hot beautiful women on a daily basis who probably wouldn't touch him. Going to a residential school doesn't change that, so picking a school based on access to women is a waste for him. David is NOT dropping out of college.

OTOH, getting other black men into college would be helped if they discovered that they'd have access to hot white chix.

If the rumors I often heard about one of the Seven Sisters colleges were true, there was a whole heap o' lovin' going on. It's just that the loving tended to be of the Sapphic variation.

It's partially because nobody wants to touch the women at the Seven Sisters colleges since the neighbouring college males want slutty hot girls, not boring bookish females. Lesbian until graduation or LUG is a common appellation for these women.

The black guys get plenty of white babes in college, especially if they play basketball. I went to St. Joe's in Philadelphia, and those guys had access to fine specimens of college ass. In any event, I have found that you tend to get more play at a non-elite school. That Community college sounds like a goldmine to me. Start digging!

On another note DA, how do you know these pretty women won't touch you? Years ago, I used to be a total softy and shy about women. Then a close friend enlightened me. A new world was opened for me. Even if one out of 10 women says "Yes" to a date, that is a great percentage. You have to cast a wide net. You will never know if you don't ask. I know that is a bit of a cliche, but it nonetheless true. When you are refused, just move. So what, their loss! They don't care, why should you (and you shouldn't). During my enlightenment, I also learned that you would be surprised what you will get if you ask for it. Babes love it when you show some guts and just ask them out, but they will never admit it. Be brash, be confident and be successful! Be a bit arrogant too. Act like you don't care as well. It is Friday afternoon. Have a good dinner, get cleaned up and get out and start hitting the bars and having a few drinks. Tomorrow, hit a mall or 5th Avenue or whatever and get a new shirt, slacks or whatever. That works wonder for the spirit. All this shit works, I can be honest here because nobody knows who the hell I am. I am just an average white guy, 32, decent job, average looks and intelligence and I am not lacking attractive female attention. It can be done. It has been done and I will do it again tonight. So will you. Start small, gain confidence. This weekend would be a good chance to check out some bars, clubs, etc... and get the lay of the land. All successful missions begin with good recon. Get the right gear and mindset and you are good to go. Let me just conclude by thanking my friend Steve who served as my teacher and model. He is no longer with us(he lived fast and died faster) , but his work and memory live on.

That Community college sounds like a goldmine to me.

Actually, you'd be pleasantly surprised. Here on the island, it seems that the girls who realize that they're remotely attractive have a tendency to hold out for the scum or the richest, flashiest men possible. That's their prerogative, and there isn't much I can do about that.

On another note DA, how do you know these pretty women won't touch you?

I've seen what happens when nerds actually attempt to ask women out, and I've seen the majority of them fail miserably.

Be a bit arrogant too. Act like you don't care as well.

I'm sorry, I don't act like a nigger.

David should add the disclaimer that he has never asked a girl out, nor has he been on a date, but he is not a virgin.

Fred 2:37 AM: You don't milk heifers. A heifer is a female bovine that has not calved. No calf, no milk.

Least you didn't say "Milk a steer," (a castrated male bovine).

I've seen what happens when nerds actually attempt to ask women out, and I've seen the majority of them fail miserably.

Have you seen this with your own eyes in real life? Or just on TV? Or just in your nightmares, based on stuff you've seen on TV? Try to think of one real date-asking incident, I dare you.

Spungen, that's based on some anecdotal from some fellow railfans in our nightly railfan chat. One guy asked a girl out, and the girl turned him down. The rest of us won't bother and we're either too scared or pessimistic.

Otherwise, most of my experience has been through observations of my female friends and their preferences of males and their weed out process.

BTW, Spungen, you can't dismiss the fact that some women do divorce their husbands for that reason.

Spungen, I said that. I will admit that all women do not do that, but there may be a small segment who do so, and mostly as a secondary reason.

I've asked out (or approached with the intention of asking out, but got shot down before I could get that far) dozens of women, and my experience has been:

-About 10% of women will give me a dirty look and quickly distance themselves from me.
-60% or so will politely give some reason why they can't/don't want to talk to me.
-10% of the time, things will go really well for 5-10 minutes or so, until I ask for her number, at which point she finally gets around to telling me she has a boyfriend. And yes, I do make it (tactfully) obvious from the very beginning that my interest in her is not purely platonic.
-8% will give me a fake number or e-mail address.
-10% will give me a real number or e-mail address, and never return my calls or e-mail.
-I got exactly one date this way. And she didn't return my follow-up call.

I'm not going after women whom anyone could reasonably consider out of my league, and I'm not doing anything obviously wrong. The sad reality is that unless you have excellent social skills, it's really, really hard to get a woman to go out with you without being introduced by a mutual friend.

Ignore the above comments, as they're in the wrong post.

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