Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA
Me
Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.
November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fcuk who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama's plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout' time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. "Not my little girl", daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.
December 22, 2008:
Time is moving along. Planned to have this done already. I will just keep a running log here as time passes. Many of the young girls here look so beautiful as to not be human, very edible. After joining this gym, started lifting weights and like it. Much info about weight programs, diet etc on the web. Or anything for that matter. Instead of TV I can Google for hours to relax. TV and most movies are dull.
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun.
Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.
December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy - usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.
December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn't necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.
December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life's details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things.
I hope it doesn't snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. Shit!
Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:
Honorable mention:
Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick Knapp would proclaim. Holy shit, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. Call him at [] If no answer there, he should still live at []. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site: http://www.tetelestai.org.
Mum - The Central Boss. []. Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household. A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.
Michael Sodini - A Boss, my brother (Mike Sodini) [] - Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it". It was always about him. Way to self absorbed, too. Still is. Used to like to embarrass guys in front of their girlfriends. Lots of other shit. Kind of guy you actually loved to hate. The biggest, most self-centered jagoff I know. He took those bullying "skills" into the business world and is doing good financially. He is a big wheel only in his mind. Most people can see thru all his manipulation. He calls only when he wants something.
Sherry - sister - More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L & D caused a conflict. Never the same after.
David - neph, sis's son (girlfriend Mallory Squires). Good young guy, though.
Lisa - niece, sis's daught. Attractive, smart, emotional - all good YW qualities.
Idiots:
Andy Pulkowski - I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany Pulkowski away at college, High Point University. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little hoe now, I am sure.
Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.
That's all for now. That felt good.
Let's continue...
January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow's plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren't as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man.
I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie - just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home.....My mind is screwed up anymore, I can't concentrate at work or think at all.
This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.
It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers.
Bye.
It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! Shit! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!
April 24, 2009:
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived. First one was in November. When I began 10 years ago, that used to be a nice place to work. I understand the need to reduce staff when times sour, but this is out of proportion to the economic problems at this time. The economy is shrinking by about 4-5%. They decided not to pay Christmas bonus - for staff that amounts to about 8% of yearly pay. Well, OK. Plus no yearly "merit" raise, another 3.5%. That totals to about 11% cut. Plus two layoffs of 5% staff in each case. Do the math. I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advanage of a bad situation and kill jobs UNNECESSARILY. The second layoff people who actually did work were let go. We all need to pick up the slack so the company can cut beyond what is necesary. Wasn't going to mention it, because of all this shit, it is K&L Gates, the large law firm headquartered here in Pittsburgh. Just call it K&L Gates Corporation. Most people there are OK and I would never have a shoot 'em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far!
I predict I won't survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. RIght now, life is bearable and I can get by indefinitely. Something bad must happen. The paycheck is all I have left. The future holds nothing for me. Twenty five years of nothing fun. I never even spent one weekend with a girl in my life, even at my own place. Also unlikely to find another similar job. I guess then is when I take care of things. I don't have kids, close friends or anything. Just me here. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I enjoy writing these entries, I have no plans to go back and edit or even read most stuff already written. If you get bored, just click that "x" at the top, right corner of your browser. Bye.
May 4, 2009:
I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.
The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past - WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won't be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed - nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.
What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that's one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere - you hesitate with a thought: "what am I forgetting?". In this case, I cannot make a return trip!
I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven't met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.
May 5, 2009:
To pull the exit plan off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze. I want to do this before I get laid off, for reasons not worth mentioning but don't seem to have the balls. After the gym, I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven't had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years. It doesn't matter now, I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again. I don't know who has any. Life is over, who cares? I just need to use common sense, can't drink and drive, etc. This idea just hit me at a point in time and I immediately acted on it. Same thing happened when I decided to go back to Pitt full time, first day was Monday, May 8, 1989, and to buy the house that closed on Friday, September 30, 1996, to name two examples I remember so well.
The list idea yesterday is working. I carry it in my wallet and add to it. I am feeling to good to do carry this out, but too bad to enjoy ANYTHING. My life's dilema.
May 6, 2009:
I started the JD. About one ounce with some tea to get me started. No big deal.
May 7, 2009:
Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4. This should be done a few times a week for maybe 15 mins or so to keep the heart active. I sprinted a few times to push the limits.
May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people. All through the years I thought we had the ability to change ourselves - I guess that is incorrect. Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else.
I no longer have any expectations of myself. I have no options because I cannot work toward and achieve even the smallest goals. That is, ABOVE ALL, what bothers me the most. Not to be able to work towards what I want in my life. I believe I am deserve that. I read recently it is called "self efficacy", but who knows. Is that more psychobable?
May 25, 2009:
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older woman there, out of the blue, asked if I liked high school. Then quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Intersting why she would ask that. But, thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me.
May 29, 2009:
Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much.
June 2, 2009:
Some people I was talking with believed I date a lot and get around with women. They think this because I showed an email I got from a hot woman to the department gossip, but it didn't work out. All this is funny. Actually, I haven't had sex since I was 29 years old, 19 years ago. That's true.
June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, bitches! Bye.
July 4, 2009:
Wow, already late evening. I stayed in all day. Can't believe there was NOTHING to do today. No parties or picnics. WTF. No need to leave now.
July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this shitty Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be fucking nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc. Pussies.
Awwww, wait. I can just start being self-righteous and say I live a good, clean life. I am holy, that's all Rick Knapp stuff. Hear that you mother fucker: I Am Just Good!
July 23, 2009:
Wow!!
I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are hoez. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy fuck. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.
I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull shit. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so. He is a PUSSY at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull shit if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??
On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, ... then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no ass, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that "she's not very attractive".
I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.
On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.
Bye, for today.
August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not
August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.
Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.
Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.
I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.
Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.
Miscellaneous:
1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.
2. Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.
3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.
4. Death Lives!
© 2009 George Sodini
This should not be taken off the web. It is obviously my view and opinion.
Reproduce this as you wish, in its entirity.
**Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!**
Don't modify it, you can correct my spelling errors, I used WordPad.
Unless the names are required legally to be blotted out, then fine. Thanks.
[Following is Sodini's secret hidden message which was at the bottom of the page, but commented out in the HTML:]
At the gym I saw a woman I like. I see her at the park and ride sometimes, so she isn't a stranger. Occationaly she makes good eye contact and smiles, etc. She is maybe 40ish, and attractive to me. I made brief conversation to her and a younger woman she was with today. To get a friend like her (and for night time action) I would cancel this plan, or put on hold, at least for a while.
Two strange things in the diary:
"Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4."
Unless he had the treadmill set on a very steep incline, there's no way his heart rate should have gotten anywhere near that high from a moderate walking pace. Could it maybe be a reaction to some (psychiatric?) medicine he was taking?
--
"Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school."
So he must have a child, who's now 17 or 18. It doesn't look like he has any contact with him or her.
Posted by: Peter | August 05, 2009 at 12:58 PM
This man had way to high standards. He did not want a companion, he wanted a "hot" college age hottie to show off to friends. What a jerk.
Posted by: Annon | August 05, 2009 at 01:27 PM
Damn! The banality of a man on the oblivion express.
Posted by: kurt9 | August 05, 2009 at 01:44 PM
Too bad no one actually reacted to his blog/diary.Seemed like all this could have been averted if he just had a friend. What a shame, guy seemed like he would be fun to talk to as well. I guess hindsight really is 20/20...
Posted by: Ryan | August 05, 2009 at 01:46 PM
If he allowed it to be broadcast everywhere, did they remove it because of the names/addresses he lists? I'm glad I got to print it out myself before they snatched it off the Web.
I agree about the heart rate comment-the guy was constantly working out, I can't believe his HR was that high.
The burning question I have is, would meeting a woman and having a "successful" relationship have kept him from this? He describes his desperate depression, but cites no doctor visits, meds, etc. Makes you wonder if he ever sought treatment. But in the end, none of that matters because he's dead.
I wanted to hate him for what he did, but reading what he wrote I just felt sorry for him.
This is a person who was screaming for help. I guess his employers at the law firm never searched his name. Cannot believe people from his past did not somehow look at this blog?
Posted by: Janet | August 05, 2009 at 01:46 PM
Thanks for posting this. I tried to see it online and it was already taken down. It's really sad. Makes you wonder how many people lead sad and lonely lives like this. I haven't read the whole thing yet but I'm dying to know if he explains why killing people, mostly strangers, was the way he decided to end his life. I'm sure given the way he described his parents and his brother that he had problems communicating socially. But I still find it terribly sad. I don't spend a lot of time reading blogs or looking at personal web pages but it's amazing he could post this and no one even read it. Makes it all the more sad as it seems like he wanted to get stopped and perhaps get some help. Don't get me wrong -- if he'd hurt someone I knew, I would be furious but I can't imagine anyone reading this not to feel sorry for this poor soul. There but for the grace of God go I... Again, thanks for posting it. I hope you leave it up a couple of days or more.
Posted by: Michelle | August 05, 2009 at 01:49 PM
If only he could have gotten some help, maybe he and the others would still be alive..and better yet if someone is so MISERABLE, take your own life NOT the life of others because of whats going on in your life. Completely selfish.
Posted by: L | August 05, 2009 at 01:56 PM
So this whole thing was about him not getting laid. Geez. This country is lost.
Posted by: Bill Blair | August 05, 2009 at 02:03 PM
This is so heart wrenching. I work in the mental health field & wish I could have met this young man and helped him. Loneliness is very common. We can be in a room full of people, even be in a relationship and still feel alone. Someone should have told him rejection is sooooooo common and is also God's protection most times. Particularly interesting is his remarks about family. When is the world going to wake up and take seriously the job of parenting? He had a child, who may also be wrenched with loneliness and self-hatred. It takes a village, folks. Let's stop doing the easy thing - spending money on things that don't work and start caring, mentoring, nurturing & supporting each other!
Posted by: stephnaie minn | August 05, 2009 at 02:12 PM
Although I am sure she is glad to be dragged into this, Mallory Squires is pretty good looking.
archive.org does have some of his old pages. Interestingly he also calls himself 'crazygeorge' and had a website 'crazygeorge.com'.
Not much to see there, though. If I were rich I'd make a internet archive to back up all the stuff that gets purged out of archive.org.
Posted by: Turambar | August 05, 2009 at 02:13 PM
This guy most certainly had Borderline Personality Disorder.
Posted by: Will | August 05, 2009 at 02:15 PM
Actually 117 is a more than reasonable heart rate for a swift walking pace for somebody who's only moderately conditioned and especially at his age.
Posted by: Frank Anoymous | August 05, 2009 at 02:19 PM
He was a middle-aged, single, American Male with a good job and decent net worth who wanted a young, attractive female companion.
Why didn't he just take a vacation to Russia? He would have no problem meeting a woman there. Should have asked me first, George.
Posted by: Talking | August 05, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Can anyone make sense of the html on his site
http://home.comcast.net/~space777/
its says
"The old crazygeorge site is behind the password protected box above. If anybody wants access, just drop me an email.
mailto:george12345@telerama.com""
It looks to me like the the password is just you guess the directory name he moved index.htm into.
Also he says in comments:
Stacy, right click and select "Save Picture As...". I cropped a few of them, pick which one you want or all of them. Let me know when you got these so I can take them down.
Posted by: Turambar | August 05, 2009 at 02:29 PM
I got a "poor, poor, me" vibe through most of his posts.. Yeah, poor guy - family didn't give him the love and affection he needed, and even though he'd be happy to listen, no one ever did him the justice of telling him what he was doing wrong.
Having an attitude like he had it's no wonder that he never developed any relationships. I can bet that he never really invested any time in making friends with people. His only interest in life was wallowing in self pity about not being laid in 20 years.
If he felt like it was something about him that people didn't like - like it was his fault, why did he feel the need to end these women's lives? He didn't want to go on living in a miserable life for 30 years, but why make that decision for other people? What a loser.
Posted by: FL Girl | August 05, 2009 at 02:40 PM
What a delusional ass - shooting a bunch of women 'cause his brother was a bully and mommy didn't give enough hugs? I can certainly see why he offed himself, though he should never have blamed other for being a loser shut-in.
Posted by: Michael | August 05, 2009 at 02:42 PM
Wow, I feel for this guy. What he did was wrong, but, from what he has written, he wasn't a coward. The guy tried to get what he wanted. He obviously was intelligent, had good work ethic, but none of that mattered to him. He is leaving out a lot of details, I'm sure. This is sad, for everyone involved.
Posted by: Jay | August 05, 2009 at 02:45 PM
Very interesting if you read and interpret it using psychoanaythical theory.
Posted by: Jerry Espinoza | August 05, 2009 at 02:48 PM
From the picture this guy looked pretty normal; from his diary, he seemed shy, introverted and self-defeating. I bet a lot of people feel some of the rejection and pain that he's felt. We've all been there. What makes the difference i think is whether or not we have the support of friends and family which he obviously didn't. Would one good friend or one chance to be involved in a relationship have changed the outcome? I think so. Problem is, we aren't open to helping others unless it has some payout for us. Now innocent people are dead.
Thanks for posting this diary. It really opened my eyes.
Posted by: Heidi | August 05, 2009 at 02:52 PM
What a sad, fearful, angry, lonely, miserable man he was. That doesn't forgive anything. Just an observation.
Sounds a lot like my first BF who ended up taking his own life several years back. Many of this guys writings are reminiscent of my ex's.
From personal experience I can say that no one and nothing could have helped this man from doing what he did. He needed a lot of counseling and medication.
My heart goes out to all those poor people that suffered the consequences of this man's sickness.
Posted by: RR | August 05, 2009 at 02:54 PM
Funny I haven't had a boyfriend since 2003, I dumped him because he was possessive and jealous, so I find that more of a reason to celebrate not kill.
Posted by: Wendy | August 05, 2009 at 02:54 PM
If his net worth was $250k he should've headed to vegas and blown the lot on hookers and cocaine.
Posted by: PETER GILL | August 05, 2009 at 03:03 PM
Can you please edit out the names, adress', and phones numbers of the parties mentioned above?
Thank You
Posted by: Bryce T | August 05, 2009 at 03:03 PM
Fuck that is scary. I see so much of myself in that. Compulsive exercise, feeling like I've been rejected by everyone, delusions of childhood neglect, constant self-pity and disgust that I can't change. Never wanted to kill other people, but felt like life was another addiction. I hated it, but it hurt too much to stop.
One day a couple weeks ago, I had a window of insight. I got a for an antipsychotic. Now that I'm on it, I realize how insane I was for so long.
Posted by: rather not say | August 05, 2009 at 03:12 PM
Alot of people have fucked up lives but we dont go out and kill innocent people. The "Oh poor me" was his way of justifying what he was about to do. Too bad he didnt just shoot himself instead of innocent people who are not either dead or living in a nightmare they will never wake up from!
Posted by: LouAnn from Pittsburgh | August 05, 2009 at 03:23 PM
This guy was a bit odd, obviously rather lonely, but his writings seem pretty rational. He certainly doesn't come across as a lunatic, just a guy wallowing in self-pity. Though hindsight is 20/20, there are pretty obvious hints that he was gonna go out with a bang. I wonder if he checked his website's hits constantly, and that made him even more depressed?
Yeah, so he didnt get laid too often, but even this guy must have known that you can pay to get laid. Seems like he was more after intimacy and companionship than sex. Thanks to culture's idealization of the couple, he came to believe that the key to his own happiness must be tied to the opposite sex.
Posted by: John Standos | August 05, 2009 at 03:24 PM
Totally psychotic in my opinion, and that comes from dealing with people like this through work
Posted by: Mary H | August 05, 2009 at 03:28 PM
I have an interpretation:
This man actually was NOT a psychotic but a neurotic, an extremely obsessive neurotic. Notice that he has an obsession with quantities, and he writes quite good. It doesn't mean he wasn't insane, obviously, but I think psychoanalythical therapy could have helped him a lot.
Posted by: Jerry Espinoza | August 05, 2009 at 03:34 PM
Will,
Borderline personality is something I was diagnosed with once. I wonder if people age out of short stormy relationships and rapid love/hate cycling into isolation, paranoia, and delusions.
He sounds like he might have had psychotic depression or schizotypal personality disorder.
It would be a bit unusual if someone with paranoid schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder could function so long. Except he seems to have stripped down his life to the bare minimum. He quit drinking when he was about 28, same time he stopped having sex. Some people with severe mental illnesses drink and drug because they want to feel something, and they/we relate much better with people in altered states. Maybe he's been really sick since his teens or twenties.
He had lots of schizophrenia symptoms. Feeling like zombie just going through motions, not enjoying much are negative symptoms. being unable to concentrate is a cognitive symptom, delusions and paranoia are positive symptoms. I would not be surprised if his workouts weren't more like active catatonia. 40's is really old for a man to come down with schizophrenia, but it isn't unheard of.
He wasn't the dime a dozen on the internet dejected beta. He was straight up mentally ill.
Posted by: rob | August 05, 2009 at 03:40 PM
I wanted to feel sorry for this guy, I really did. I'm an introvert and a loner and while I'm not nearly as bad as he is, I figured I could understand what he was going through.
But as a woman, I can't. Maybe I'm just ignorant to the way men think about women, but he just came across as a pig who wanted a "hoe" and not a decent relationship, or he would have said as much in his personal ramblings. He talks so much about attractive women and how slutty they are, and how he hasn't been laid but he rarely mentions the need for a woman to love with his heart. I'd bet anything that he eventually convinced himself that all women were little more than a roll in the sack and I have a feeling that other women probably caught on to that sooner or later and that's why he had a hard time picking them up.
Posted by: Catherine | August 05, 2009 at 03:43 PM
Poor guy.
Posted by: gno | August 05, 2009 at 03:44 PM
I can relate to how this person felt. I see a lot of similarities between my own life and his. I however cannot understand how he could bring himself to kill someone els's daughter,sister, mother. I feel similar hopelessness and dispair but will never resort to killing or harming an innocent. This was a very selfish individual who felt that the world owed him something more. Im not in a relationship and havnt been in one since 1993. I live alone. I lost my job a year ago and have been steadily accumulating debt in order to keep a roof over my head, Im almost at the point of bankruptsy. Ill be homeless and broke within the next 2 months if i dont find a job. I recently started a new hobby, drinking heavily! But in the end, no matter how bad it gets, i know that Ill never kill someone else.
Posted by: Mark | August 05, 2009 at 03:46 PM
Good riddance to bad rubbish I say. Shame he actually took real people with him.
This guy is like hundreds of other losers, always whining about how bad he has it while living in the land of plenty.
If this guy ever saw actual hardship, he'd have died of shock.
Honestly, some people only make the world a better place by leaving it.
Posted by: Pete Ross | August 05, 2009 at 03:50 PM
It's truly a sad situation as was his entire life!
Posted by: Angel L. | August 05, 2009 at 03:51 PM
This guy wanted everyone to feel sorry for him, and he is getting what he wanted. He tries to justify his actions but saying no one will judge him except for God, but through out this entire diary all he does is judge everyone around him, and mostly on appearances alone-due to the fact that apparently he never opened his mouth and talked to anyone. I mean really, calling all women who are young "hoes" just because he can't start a relationship or get laid in 20 years? This guy was pathetic and he had no one to blame but himself. It outrages me in fact, because look at all the people who are out there in the world living their life with multiple disadvantages! I mean he just needed to get over himself, that's why women didn't want to be involved with him!
I watched a video, in church, of a motivational speaker who was born with no legs, or arms. This young man taught himself to do everything using only his mouth. He is thankful for everyday he is alive and even taught himself to surf.
Don't feel sorry for this George jagoff, his world was made by him. May he burn in eternal hellfire because I am sure God judged him and gave him two thumbs down!
Posted by: Janna A. | August 05, 2009 at 03:52 PM
It will be interested to hear from his co-workers at his job. The guy is reasonably good looking. Most guys in their 40's look like crap. Also, I have seen guys who look like him with decent looking women on them. So, he must have had a bad personality or something. His co-workers should have something to say about this.
I noticed from his diary that he obviously did not care much for Asian women. He describes his brother's wife as a Chinese-descent woman with "no body, no ass, no breasts, and no personality". Often times, American "betas" go for Asian women. This guy appears to be fixated on white "hotties". Given that this occurred in the Pittburgh (one of the "whitest" metro areas in the country), such a fixation is not surprising. He never thought about Russian, Latina, or Asian women.
I'm not sure Russian women are a good choice. They can be far more conniving than any American woman would ever think of. I know a guy who got into trouble while living in Russia as a result of a relationship with a Russian woman.
I do have to say that this is a real trip. I work out at 24 hour fitness 4 times a week and I cannot help but wonder if there are any guys there that are a "bit around the bend".
Posted by: kurt9 | August 05, 2009 at 03:52 PM
The man obviosuly had mental problems that were not properly taken care of, the raised heart rate could be contributed to some sort of internal thinking while he was on the treadmill, seeing a good looking girl, panic attack, anxiety etc. Its also easy to see that his thoughts become less coherent the closer he gets to the last entry also, its also interesting that his thoughts become more chaotic soon after he decides to start drinking again
Posted by: Jish | August 05, 2009 at 03:54 PM
The more I think about this, the less sympathy I have for this guy. In fact, this guy was a prick and I have zero sympathy for him. He was a decent looking guy with a good job with respectable savings. Indeed, he had just received a promotion with a pay increase. That's pretty good in the age of the Obamanation.
The women he targeted and killed were no doubt attractive (like the ones in my gym) but were certainly not of the "college girls gone wild" age group. The women he killed were all in their 30's and 40's, which is likely to be the age of most of those he wounded.
Additionally, he killed women. That's the real mind blower for me. I was socialized while a child never to hit or hurt a woman in anyway, shape, or form. I can see killing men, as they are legitimate targets. But never women or children. That's just plain sick, pure and simple. I agree women can be irritating and the white American woman especially so. But to hurt and kill them? That goes beyond the boundary of the rational and civilized.
This guy said he liked to travel on his website. Why didn't he go to Mexico or Costa Rica? This guy obviously was obsessed with the white woman and did not have any concept of what I call "outward-orientation". My hometown where I grew up is a very insular place with a population that is 95% white that has an economy that is based on health-care, domestic service, and blue collar (in that order). Everything that I have read and heard about the Pittsburgh area is that it is a larger version of my hometown.
No wonder this guy went off the deep end.
Posted by: kurt9 | August 05, 2009 at 04:16 PM
"Most guys in their 40's look like crap."
Their stomachs enter a room a few seconds before the rest of their bodies.
--
"I noticed from his diary that he obviously did not care much for Asian women. He describes his brother's wife as a Chinese-descent woman with "no body, no ass, no breasts, and no personality". Often times, American "betas" go for Asian women. This guy appears to be fixated on white "hotties"."
Not to say that he should have gone Dumpster Diving (to use a term from a Notorious Sex-Related Blog), but he very well might have been aiming a bit too high. Even though he was in good shape he still was 48 years old, and though he had a fair amount of money he wasn't wealthy, so he wasn't likely to get any 25-year-old 10's.
Posted by: Peter | August 05, 2009 at 04:44 PM
I can't believe anyone would feel sorry for this pos. What if that was your wife or daughter in that gym class.
Posted by: John | August 05, 2009 at 04:57 PM
"I work out at 24 hour fitness 4 times a week and I cannot help but wonder if there are any guys there that are a "bit around the bend"."
Spending time at a big upscale gym like LA Fitness might have been highly frustrating for Sodini. He no doubt was surrounded by any number of fit young women, often wearing minimalist workout attire. Although: for his rampage, he chose an exercise class that seemed to appeal mostly to middle-aged ladies. Why?
Posted by: Peter | August 05, 2009 at 04:57 PM
I want to say something about some comments:
I live in Costa Rica, and I know that some persons come to my country just to have sex. But I can assure that it doesn't cure anyone. I doubt it could have helped this man either.
Posted by: Jerry Espinoza | August 05, 2009 at 04:59 PM
He wasn't just neurotic. He was delusional. If he had a kid in 91, he last had sex about 17 years ago, not 20, depending on when he wrote the miscellaneous. He thought he had been rejected by 30 million women. No one, not even the hardest trying wanna-be pick-up artist has been rejected by that many women. He even mentions having a date like last year.
His problem wasn't just sexual relationships. He didn't have male or female friends, doesn't even talk to his immediate family, and he doesn't enjoy anything: Introvertive anhedonia.
He thinks his 20's passed him by. He had a few dates in the time he did the diary. But not for the 20 years before? Why? Was he institutionalized? Maybe the 20 dateless years was part of paranoid delusions.
Posted by: rob | August 05, 2009 at 05:57 PM
I feel like this guy. I have no good friends. I'm not horrible looking but I have no successful dates. Do you know what it's like to feel completely alone, that nobody understands you? To have never had sex? People have an aversion to me and I'm not sure why. Perhaps he figured that the world had rejected him, so he will get payback.
Posted by: Retard | August 05, 2009 at 06:14 PM
It's hard not to feel sorry for the guy, but i am friends with the son of one of the victims he so carelessly murdered and i am enraged that one person could cause so much destruction. This man obviously had many problems, but it seems as though if he would have searched for help, this terrible occurrence could have been easily avoided. To take out one's frustration on others in this way is just sickening to me. In this one act of retaliation against women everywhere, he has potentially destroyed the lives of not just the victims, but hundreds of people who loved those poor women.
Posted by: krista | August 05, 2009 at 06:20 PM
It looks like nobody caught on to this guy's writings because he probably posted it all right before he did the killings...
Posted by: John | August 05, 2009 at 06:48 PM
This nerdy guy had enough income to buy a piece of ass if he let go of his unrealistic standards. But he had the look of a latent homosexual or a geek with an effeminate streak. And in a place like PA, the gals tend to go for real men and not pretty boys who live in their head and think too much.
Posted by: Rick | August 05, 2009 at 07:18 PM
One aspect of this whole thing no one has mentioned--would this have happened if he didn't have easy access to GUNS? This guy does not sound psychotic or mentally ill in my unprofessional opinion. Rather, just a lonely, bitter isolated man who probably hadn't progressed much emotionally since his mid-20s. Probably thousands of other out there just like him. Most of these types of random shootings happen in this country because, in most states, you can walk into any sporting goods store or gun show and pick up an armload of weapons. That's what separates the US from the rest of the 'civilized' world.
Posted by: Rob | August 05, 2009 at 07:25 PM
WOW..even tho he did an awful thing, his mind is brilliant. Great writer full of emotion and depth. Kinda sad too. How many people walk around feeling alone in a room that is crowded and how many are married and still feel lonely.
I think this is a great way to see what people that are lonely depressed, sad and miserable think about.
Posted by: painthead | August 05, 2009 at 07:46 PM
@ Retard
That doesn't justify murder. Ever.
If you have trouble meeting people and getting laid, it's because you're trying too hard. Join a club or take a class. Make some friends. Have a bar-b-cue. Get yourself out there but don't press yourself on other people. When you're least looking for it, love finds you.
Also, don't denigrate yourself. Calling yourself "Retard" certainly isn't going to earn you any respect. You're not a retard, but stop playing helpless.
More than anything, hurting others is not okay, ever. This is the sort of thinking that leads to dark places.
-Hiro
Posted by: Hiro | August 05, 2009 at 08:04 PM
I think his actions are too planned and long-term to be borderline PD. Had some sense of stability and didn't seem impulsive--. I'd say narcissistic PD. He just assumed he should get love/attention/affection without actually having to do anything about it. When he didn't get what he was entitled to, he raged.
And it goes without saying but he showed a major lack of empathy, which is a big part of NPD. So much so that he could never understand why girls would be repulsed by him.
I think if he had less of an entitlement issue, this woulda been a suicide rather than a suicide/rampage. He would have just quietly took himself out.
Posted by: JohnM | August 05, 2009 at 08:23 PM
You know the problem? It's the city where he lived. It's impossible to meet anyone in small time Pittsburgh. He should have moved.
Posted by: Amber | August 05, 2009 at 09:02 PM
This guy should rot in hell along with his family. I think his body should be dug up from his grave and thrown under a bus. fucking piece of shit.
Posted by: Nick | August 05, 2009 at 09:29 PM
This disgusting post-"sexual revolution" bullshit is the reason things like this are happening. Male-instigated violence is most common in sexually liberal countries (U.S., Canada, Scandinavia, Germany) and it is going to rise unless America returns to more traditional monogamous values of love and family. (By the way, I'm very liberal; I voted for Obama, hold generally socialist economic views, date mostly outside my race, and fully support the right of gays to marry.)
Casual sex is not "feminist". In fact, it's very far from being so. It's a corrosive activity that damages peoples' ability to form meaningful, long-term relationships. "Hookup culture" is a perverse, cancerous subsociety that has more in common with pre-civilized strong-man polygamy than with a society built on love and respect between the genders (this latter ideal has never been fully realized on a global scale, but we should strive for it).
In pre-monogamous societies, male-instigated violence (mostly against other men, but often against women, especially in the case of war rape) is extremely common; death rates in warfare are close to 0.5% per year. This is because (taking an evolutionary perspective) the reproductive stakes of social status are high. The alpha males take many "wives" who are treated like chattel; the betas are monogamous (or, rarely, bigamous) with high paternal investment; the gammas have no one and must either cuckold a higher status male (risking death), start a revolt within the tribe (also risking death), or fight a war against another tribe (ditto). This is terrible for men, but also for women, considering that a large proportion of them will be wed to (read: owned by) alphas who mistreat them and neglect their children.
Required paternal investment and monogamy represent civilization's first "revenge of the nerds". Despite the PUA shitsauce that tends to denigrate being "beta", being beta, in technical terms, is a good thing. The alpha strategy is to propagate one's genes by spreading them widely, with little-to-no paternal investment. The beta strategy is to find one highly desirable partner, have a relatively equal relationship, and invest heavily in the kids. (Barack Obama, with an attractive, smart wife and two kids he adores, is a high-ranking beta. Bill Clinton's tendency to cheat with women of mediocre attractiveness is more "alpha".) We must retain monogamy in order to have a stable and nonviolent civilization, which means a return to proper values.
Obviously, neither Seung Hui-Cho's nor George Sodini's pattern is typical of a gamma male in a pre-monogamous society-- their targets were not all men, and all were entirely innocent; moreover, the violence was ultimately self-destructive, rather than the self-assertive sort of a man trying to be "alpha". This is because the leading edge of a wave of violence is going to consist of the most psychologically fragile (read: fucking insane, as both these men clearly were) individuals. But if we want to avert more senseless loss, we've got to bring such a strong stigma back against "hooking up" that pre-monogamous behavior goes way back into hiding.
Posted by: Pwnsive | August 05, 2009 at 10:23 PM
"I wonder if people age out of short stormy relationships and rapid love/hate cycling into isolation, paranoia, and delusions."
Well, I didn't. Rob, you've got a good point that the guy probably had serious long-term mental health problems. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd been diagnosed at some point, maybe even institutionalized. It would help explain how weirdly stunted he seemed.
Posted by: Sheila Tone | August 05, 2009 at 10:32 PM
"Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone."
Yep, so typical of his type. No matter how old he gets, he relates emotionally only to teens and young adults. Stunted, stunted, stunted.
Posted by: Sheila Tone | August 05, 2009 at 10:34 PM
'would this have happened if he didn't have easy access to GUNS?'
Dude had no convictions, no *official* history of mental illness, and planned this thing for a year. On top of that, this particular massacre could have been done with a rifle (that is, he wouldn't have needed an easily concealed weapon). So, no. You'd have to make guns *massively* unavailable (like more restricted than UK or Japan) to stop this. You want a poster child for gun control, you have to look elsewhere.
'It's impossible to meet anyone in small time Pittsburgh'.
I met my wife here. And obviously, lots of people *do* get married, hook up or what have you here. Funny thing with women, they always think the big exciting city is the place to be (like NYC...) but the demographics say that the deck is stacked against them there.
Posted by: bbartlog | August 06, 2009 at 12:26 AM
rob | August 05, 2009 at 05:57 PM
He thought he had been rejected by 30 million women.
He did not say he had been rejected by 30 million women ....
He said (May 18, 2009) ..... There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one.
then you wrote ... He wasn't just neurotic. He was delusional. If he had a kid in 91, he last had sex about 17 years ago, not 20,.....
AGAIN he said
(1) No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). (Dec 24, 2008)
(2) Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991.
........
so calculate that .... July 1990 sex, baby @ April 1991
He said he has slept ALONE for over 20 years.
.....................................
Personally if he wanted to take people with him he should have gone after Mom, Brother Michael and Dad not strangers! At least go to the root
Posted by: Cera | August 06, 2009 at 12:39 AM
To me, it sounds like depression NOS with psychotic features. Possibly Schizotypal, but his thinking is organized (other than the "exit plan") which entailed killing women because they didn't pay attention to him. Probable Antisocial personality disorder. He didn't want a woman, he wanted a fuck object. There are many more out there where he came from, and the law does nothing about them, even when you report their threatening behavior and death threats. See http://ve7kfm.com for several examples.
Posted by: Interested Observer | August 06, 2009 at 01:18 AM
Why are many of you associating introversion with "failure" or "psychotic"? Screw you. I guess you're one of those annoying assholes who holds up the line at Turkey Hill while you chit-chat with the cashier about all of the make believe drama that goes on in your life? Or are you that annoying bank teller who just has to ask "how my day is going"?
And what if this guy went into a gym and shot all men because he doesn't like the fact that he won't be as "buff" as them? How much anger and attention would such a story receive?
I have to be honest here. If these victims were a bunch of sorority princesses or those cold-hearted, careerist type women, or mothers who scream at their kids hockey games, I could careless about their deaths. Sure, they don't deserve murder and I'm not condoning it, but I think a bigger tragedy would be taking the lives of women who were mothers like the one you saw on the classic TV show 10 years ago "Freaks and Geeks" or "The Wonder Years".
Posted by: nothing | August 06, 2009 at 01:56 AM
Reddit has everything about this guy, including his google search history.
http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/97wnt/reddit_exclusive_george_sodini_documents_la/
Here's an Internet post where he says he's going to try and get sex from 16 year olds
http://isitnormal.com/story/48-year-old-man-with-teen-age-girl-28739/
Posted by: Rain And | August 06, 2009 at 03:38 AM
what a crazy sick world we live in that a depressed over seeking woman hater is the topic of all the news. Its saddening to hear of all the innocent women that were caught in fire of his sad life. Be a man and drop the guns at the door when your done. If god would forive you of this sin, NOT He would have you pay for the lives you took on your own, maybe freak o(george) didn't want his bully brother to kick his ass one more time, let alone every other man in that gym.. what a fucking asshole. changed the life of millions of people (more than just at the gym) but that is what he wanted and HE DID JUST THAT. I agree with you he had mental issues, left untreated, but a smart enough man to get help. he didnt want help he wanted to be heard. I dont know about anyone else But I stopped and listened.
Posted by: a gym member | August 06, 2009 at 05:40 AM
He mentions more than once that he has changed his appearance and still no-one liked him. Maybe if he tried being himself and not what he thought people wanted him to be this might have had a different outcome.
No excuse. It's a shame what happened.
Posted by: Bar | August 06, 2009 at 06:45 AM
Sheila, oops, I meant I wonder if people -with borderline personality disorder- age out of short stormy relationships.
Posted by: rob | August 06, 2009 at 06:50 AM
I still believe this man wasn't psychotic.
Pwnsive; Your interpretation of male sexuality is quite interesting. Where did you find it?
Posted by: Jerry Espinoza | August 06, 2009 at 01:01 PM
You know I read of comments regarding Pittsburgh. That man's disfunction had nothing to do with where the man lived; it stems from how he was raised and demons from within himself.
He had major bipolar/chemical imbalance problems which were never addressed. Smaller towns actually are nurturing; people help each other. That man never spoke to anyone to ask for help! He had major issues!
Posted by: Sally | August 06, 2009 at 03:34 PM
Rest in peace brother. I feel your pain.
Posted by: kevin | August 06, 2009 at 07:40 PM
Alot of George's experiences are similar to my own, so I have found all of this very very interesting.
It sounds like he did alot of grunt work software development (I am also a .NET developer). I am not surprised by his highly logical and analytical skills and I am also not surprised by his loneliness.
It sounds like my childhood was strangely similar, as well. I can't explain the need to kill, but I think the greatest contributing factor to his desparation was his lack of relationship with his "useless sperm doner" father.
So please, if you've seen the bumper sticker, dont hug a musician - they get enough action. Save that hug for the systems analyst down the street that keeps the law firms going.
Posted by: anonymous | August 06, 2009 at 10:25 PM
The first post on 11/5/08 says it all. Any 48 year old technical individual who says things like that is warped. There are folks out there who have marriages breaking up, unemployed, rowdy children all combined and not murdering. Imagine if George was married with children but laid off. RIP to the victims. And shame such a nut case slipped through the cracks of colleagues and others for so long.
Posted by: Tuan | August 07, 2009 at 12:45 AM
No Cera,
he wrote "I actually look good....yet 30 million women rejected me."
That's a delusion. No one knows that many people.
One place he says he has no children. Another he has a kid. One of those statements is not true.
Nothing,
We aren't really associating introverted with loser and psycho. We're associating shooting a whole bundcha people he didn't know for no good reason with loser psycho. It isn't a fine line.
Posted by: rob | August 07, 2009 at 01:13 AM
He should have joined the military - chicks love military guys. Plus- he could have used his shooting skills for an honorable purpose.
Posted by: LauraW | August 07, 2009 at 05:41 PM
Can you say ASPERGERS SYNDROME??
Posted by: Fuzzle | August 07, 2009 at 08:51 PM
Everyone keeps saying this guy hated women and was evil, etc. I'm offering no excuses for the fact that he took 4 lives, including his own and hurt others; but, some of the comments posted here are insensitive and honestly the most appropriate word for some of them is "ignorant".
Some posters are ignorant to the facts about mental illness. It is so obvious from his diary that he had a mental illness. Any intelligent person could see that he was severely depressed from a young age which caused him to be quite isolated and dysfunctional. Again, I'm making no excuses for him. We don't have the right, not matter how ill we are to take the lives of any other person.
Having said all that....a SANE person knows that. This man didn't sound at all SANE to me.
We live in such a cynical society where it's so easy for people to dismiss the obvious pain and confusion that others may be experiencing. Where is the empathy and yes sometimes sympathy for those who just can't seem to find happiness?
It's true that at the end of the day you have to want to do better; but, it is also true that at some point in life everyone needs someone even if they are the kind who don't want to admit it.
I am certain that this guy exhibited signs of his mental instability. That woman at the picnic who asked him if he'd been bullied in high school.....had only met him one time....so what does that say about all of the others who knew he was off but, didn't care enough or take the time to try to see if they could help.
Sometimes all it takes is for someone to show that they care...that you matter. Granted I think he would have needed that plus therapy and most likely medications while addressing his anti-social thoughts; but, it's apparrent in his writings that the feelings of loneliness and isolation were what made him feel that he had to do this.
It's easy to say "good riddance" because what he did was horrible. But, it's also true that while it doesn't "excuse" what he did this was a very ill individual and this could possible have been avoided.
Posted by: Trish | August 08, 2009 at 06:24 AM
He mentioned that trying weed again might be fun.. Ohhh if only this guy could have gotten a hold of some sweet Mary jane. He'd have no more drama, and his masturbation wouldve improved to the point where he probably wouldn't care so much about not having a girl. Further, in that lifted state he would know EXACTLY how to achieve whatever he wanted. Who knows what I'm talkin bout? Legalize it already, seriously.
Posted by: PositiveSoul | August 08, 2009 at 03:36 PM
I was very much like him when I lived in America, but I never wanted to kill anyone but myself. I was in very good shape and had lots of male and female friends, but very few lovers.
I moved to Thailand and get so much female attention that I am never lonely and don't dream every night of wanting to die. All the sex that I want and every girl is flirting and interested in me even though I am fat and old and ugly.
20 good years here. It was the best thing that I ever did for myself and my sanity.
Posted by: George Murphy | August 30, 2009 at 08:37 AM